I have been thinking a lot about modesty lately. Scott and I often have conversations on this topic, and I try to better understand a man's mind (although I am glad I don't completely get it!). I feel sorry for men who live in this world and have to really and ACTIVELY guard against the temptation to "look" or whatever they do. :) I know Scott feels very strongly about our girls dressing modestly, and wouldn't even let them wear a halter top at their ages (4, 5, and 6). He doesn't see the point in letting them wear things now that he would not let them wear later down the road. I appreciate his take on this and how proactive he is on this issue.
But, for the longest time, I was so irritated at other women who I thought did not dress appropriately...Christian women at that. I just wanted to tell people, "Don't you know that more than just YOUR husband has to look at you when you go out." I don't want my husband looking at other women's, well, BOOBS, yes, I will say it. :) It is a private area, and why go around showing them to anyone who wants to see them? It's such a tease for men.
Anyway, as I have been talking to other women, I am finding out that so many men (yes, Christian men) WANT their wives to dress like this. They figure a little cleavage is sexy and don't mind flaunting their wives around like that. That shocks me that men would do that- I think because of how modest Scott is. He is constantly pulling on the back of my shirt to remind me to keep it up in the front. He doesn't at all want anyone else looking at me like that.
So now I am torn. I don't think it's always the woman's fault. I think if Scott wanted me to show off a little skin I probably would have gotten used to that, trusting that every man was like him and that it was ok. I don't think women really know the minds of men...and if they do, shame on them for causing that extra temptation.
I feel very strongly about this issue. I think we need to really raise the standard here and remember that it's all about Christ's name, whatever we do. If we are followers of Christ, we need to be set apart. Our men can look at us privately, but we don't need to be so concerned about appealing to the rest of the world that we dress inappropriately. That is my thought for the day. Give me your feedback on this one.
About Me
- Amy
- I have been married now for 8 years to the best man I know! We have five really fun children. I work at home and love that! I am currently homeschooling three of them this year. My life stays full, but I refuse to let it get dull! I believe you should have fun with everything you do. Even in hard times, I am the optimist. I am spontaneous and love a good time. Fortunately for me, I have Scott to help balance me out (and brings some stability into our lives!). We make a great match! My greatest desire is to honor God in my life. It is not easy at times, but definitely worth the effort. God is faithful and blesses me and my family in ways that are beyond belief!
5 comments:
This is a really good topic that you touched on Amy. I am always reminding my daughter to sit "like a lady" and wear tights or shorts under her skirts. It is important to start early. I think that as moms we have a responsibility to be a role model to our children and dressing modestly sets a good example.
Besides, there are so many beautiful clothes out there that make a girl feel attractive without flashing the goods!
Good topic. I feel for women who are in the situation of having husbands who want them to be provocative. That could be a challenging situation. But, a little wisdom and creativity could help here.
If a man is drawn to this sort of thing (having his wife flaunt herself), then a wife may need to up the standard. She could seek to be creative and fulfill that inclination of her husbands at home rather than out in public-she can keep it modest in public and then reveal a bit more in private. She could also wear something "special" for him under her modest clothing. Most men would love to have a wife who is creative in that way.
I wonder if we have allowed our culture to impact our thinking in getting sucked into the idea that risky/revealing behavior is more enticing. Why does a man what his wife to dress that way in public? Is he being drawn to the right things or to the thrill that comes from being a little on the edge? And why does a woman feel inclined to oblige this? Is it really about just respecting her man or is it about the thrill of attention from other men for her too?
I just noticed Kelly's comment. Agreed! As moms we need to model modesty for our daughters. We need to show them how to be attractive without showing off our bodies in inappropriate ways.
I also agree that many beautiful clothes are modest and help a woman to feel and look lovely! I have to plug Eliza Magazine here! Google it! C and I love how it shows fashion, but modestly! I am thankful that I can have a fashion magazine in the house that even my huband and boys can look at without having too much flesh thrown at them.
Speaking of boys, we, as moms, are also impacting our boys idea what is or is not attractive!
Hey, Amy... Just a few thoughts (i'm a little tired tonight so they may not be very thorough). I agree with everything you (and the others who commented) that modesty is a big issue, but want to be very cautious about assigning sinful motives to others who don't meet our personal standards of modesty. I think it's a biblical principle, but looks different in different cultures.. not just in other countries, but here in the US. I think that our role as Christian women is to teach our kids the principles behind the way we dress, to please our husbands, and to be cautious of other Christian men we are in contact with. But what is seen as "provocative" in one part of the world (or our country) could very well be commonplace in another (such as California :)). Just something to think about. I know for me, a lot of times if I see someone do something or dress in a certain way, I assume that their motive is the same as mine would be if I was doing the same thing. (does that make sense?) I hope that makes sense. :) I enjoy reading your blog! Are you guys going to be in Oregon at all around THanksgiving or Christmas?
So this seems to be a good site all around...I have taught on modesty for my girls (well, not mine--the ones in my Sunday School class...I have no kiddos of my own yet!) and the point you brought up about husbands is a good one--it adds insight to why a lot of women dress the way they do. I think there are ways for a woman to be beautiful--nay, stunning--, show off the fact that she is indeed a woman (and not leave people wondering), and still dress modestly enough that people who see her are drawn to her countenance and not to...well, the cracks (cleavage and hiney!...yes, I said it too!)...anyhoo, I really gotta get ready for church now so I'm going to have to peruse more of this blog later. :)
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